[attr="class","aurelie-lyrics"]The woods are lovely, dark and deep

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To Aurelie, this whole situation felt like it came straight from an episode of the Ting-Lu Zone. Why was she, a shopkeeper and small business proprietor, even out this late at night? Why had Rocket sent her to help an admin with a mission? Why were they here now, outside this incredibly creepy, ominous cottage in the middle of a dark, creepy nightmare forest?

And why...why did Howard look so different now? He wore his hair differently, and his eye and face looked...wrong, somehow. Most of all, Howard simply carried himself differently. There was a sinister, almost predatory quality to him sometimes, so unlike the friendly, bookish admin she thought she knew.

But amidst this starless night full of long-fingered shadows, surrounded by the slithering susurrus of a thousand falling leaves and blades of sere grass that made her think every moment that someone was creeping up behind her, struck by a shivering chill that only partially came from the weather...Aurelie figured it really wasn't a good time to ask why.

Instead, she grimaced and rolled her eye when Howard mentioned Doug being their attack bear for the cottage. "Oh, come on," she said chidingly. "After what Doug went through in that Megalopolan prison? I don't want to risk it!"

Aurelie gritted her teeth and took a single step toward the front door. "But we have to find out what's going on in there, right? Even if it is totally haunted. So, I'll do it. I mean, let's face it: of the three of us, I'm the most expendable one here."

It probably would help if her voice wasn't trembling with abject fear as she said it. And if her knees weren't visibly shaking as she tried to take another step forward. Still, she managed to make it, shakily but doggedly, to the front door.

Then, abruptly, the redhead started spitting out and grabbing at her face. "Ugh! A freaking cobweb! Gross!" Then, she let out a sharp, shrill shriek. "Oh, Arceus! I think a huge spider just crawled into my hair! Get it off me! Get it off me!"

---

howard slayte

"Don't remind me of the prison."

The Megalopolan prison had been a train wreck that Howard was content to leave buried in the past. Prison life hadn't agreed with Howard, and he hadn't agreed with it. It was a remarkable gauge of his character that he hadn't left his cellmate as a bloody pile on the floor.

He hadn't been allowed to throttle her, but still. Good character on Howard's part.

There was a world where Howard Slayte was a dashing hero who bravely marched up to the door, kicked it open, before slaying three ghosts in one hand while petting Doug with his other. Unfortunately, that world was several universes down on the multiverse. Instead, Howard watched as Aurelie bravely went up to the door.

It creaked open without being touched.

"See? I'm telling you! Shit's haunte-"

Then Aurelie got attacked by a spider as Howard let out a remarkably shrill shriek. His eye grew wide as a Spinarak fell into Aurelie's hair. Quickly mustering his courage, Howard grabbed his hat, rolled it up, and swatted Aurelie on the head with it. Once. Twice. Thrice. Each time he thwacked her, the Spinarak dodged.

Better that he use the hat than his hand, lest he concuss her with a hand carved from something other than flesh.

The spider leapt from Aurelie to Howard, who immediately let out a scream and ran into the open doorframe.

"GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!!!"

---

Aurelie Lefevre

[attr="class","aurelie-lyrics"]The woods are lovely, dark and deep

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When the Spinarak was successfully knocked off her head, Aurelie managed to enjoy a brief moment of relief—a moment that abruptly came to an end when she heard Howard shrieking that it'd landed on his head. She let out a groan when she glimpsed it crawling through his hair, before he started thrashing and running around frantically.

"Howard! Stop rushing off!" she cried out, chasing after him through the open doorway. It'd been unnerving to see the door swing open seemingly of its own accord, but right now, it was hard to think about that when the Spinarak was being such a menace.

Panting with effort, she breathlessly caught up to Howard, oblivious to the fact that they were both in. Instead, she was focused on swatting at his head and fighting to dislodge the stubborn spider Pokemon. It dodged her even more easily than it had Howard's hat, to the point where she almost thought it was enjoying watching their futile struggles.

Finally, though, after a few more minutes of both of them flailing about, the Spinarak seemed to tire of the show. It jumped off Howard's head and skittered down the wall, disappearing into one of several cracks in the floor. Wearily, Aurelie groped around inside the dark cottage for a light switch.

And nearly tripped over a loose floorboard that lifted up, revealing a narrow wooden stairway leading underground into the stygian blackness of a basement. Aurelie caught her breath as she slowly climbed back to her feet.

"Howa- I mean, Admin," she whispered, pointing a trembling finger down the stairs. "I thought this cottage might be empty, but... I think I see a light down there. I think we're not alone."

The redhead turned toward Howard, the whites of her eye visibly shining in the shadowy gloom. "Should we go down there to investigate? We...have to, right?" Unthinkingly, one hand snaked toward her hip to draw a knife from her belt sheath.

Even if it's a mad scientist. Or a cruel witch. Or a family of cannibals waiting for fresh meat! Her mind raced with horror-movie tropes. But...it could be something else. We probably should find out. Right?

She laughed weakly, trying to diffuse the tension. "Any chance we can find Doug out there in the woods and get him to sniff out who it is down in the basement?"

---

howard slayte

Slowly, the archaeologist began extracting himself from the pile of curtains he had fallen into while Aurelie had whacked him a dozen times on the head. The smith was remarkably strong, to the point where even her spider-felling smacks still hurt minutes later as the duo stared down into the hidden basement.

"If Doug's gone, he's gone. He'll come back when he feels like it." Howard looked at her, before looking back at the basement. He chewed his lip thoughtfully, his face pale from the Spinarak's mighty assault. He's probably fighting the Loyal Three."

With them popping up with increasing frequency, Doug was often off in Petalburg Woods or some corner of the region, stopping the Toxic Chain like some sort of bear vigilante. The thought was ridiculous, but Doug came back with more scars every morning.

Yet what ultimately snapped Howard from his melancholy was Aurelie's formal use of his title. Admin? Is that what I am, now? He felt a small part of his soul die when he feared the implications of that sentence. Yet that was what ultimately spurred him to bravery.

"Let's go." The admin led the way down the stairs, not giving the redhead a glance. "Come on."

Slowly, down creaking footsteps, the archaeologist led the way down to a basement that quickly gave way from foundation to walls of dirt, silt, and clay. Wooden beams sagged under the weight, and the duo found themselves in an odd labyrinth network that consisted of several thin tunnels.

A cellar. The smell of old straw struck Howard's nose. Silently, he put a finger to his lips and took a few steps forward. In the distance, a voice rang out, echoing through the darkness.

'Nyeheheh... The Never-Rot's will has not died. The chain... the chain!"

---

Aurelie Lefevre

[attr="class","aurelie-lyrics"]The woods are lovely, dark and deep

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Aurelie laughed nervously when the admin speculated that Doug was off in the woods fighting the Loyal Three, unsure if he was joking. She was never good at reading other people's intentions at the best of times, and Howard's strangely suave new look made it even harder. As did the fearful chill that rippled down her spine at the prospect of ever running into the Loyal Three again.

"I guess...I guess I did hear something about Munkidori showing up again to fight you all in Petalburg," she responded uncertainly. "But it was defeated, right? And we're nowhere near that, so...maybe Doug is just out snacking on nuts and berries?"

Even to her own ears, her words sounded painfully naïve. She winced and had to assume that was why Howard was wincing too. But he simply took a deep breath, not deigning to favor her with a reply before coolly heading down the stairs.

The redhead hurried to keep up with him, squinting her eye in the semi-darkness of the ancient, mucky tunnels under the cottage. From the end of the tunnel shone a dim, smoky light, faintly tinged with an ominous purple shimmer. Then, Aurelie heard the voice cackling about the Never-Rot and chain, and the blood ran cold as ice in her veins.

"The Never-Rot?" she gasped aloud, heedless of alerting the basement-dwelling villain of their presence. "You've got to be kidding me! I thought all those Megalopolans flew off in the spaceship! Who the hell are you?"

Even more heedlessly, Aurelie stomped forward toward the source of the voice at the end of the cellar tunnel. It turned out to be a figure of medium height and build, swathed in a hooded black robe marked with mysterious symbols in purple and green. They were standing before a cauldron filled with noxious, glowing lavender-colored liquid and festooned in rusty old chains.

At least, they had been standing until Aurelie bodily yanked them face-to-face with her. "Who the hell are you? Are you a Megalopolan?" she shouted, energized by a rage fueled by terror and trauma. "What's this about the Never-Rot?!"

At the sharp jerk of motion, the figure's hood slipped off to reveal a bright-blue face smeared with more symbols in purple and stuck through with hundreds of needles. Spittle flew from his lips as he shouted right back, "Let me go, foul intruder! Or my followers will drive you out so we can continue our holy work!"

Only then did she notice, out of the corner of her eye, the crowd of similarly robed people standing just beyond the glow cast by the cauldron. Angry hisses issued from them like steam from a thousand tea-kettles as they started toward her. A dozen hands grabbed at her, trying to push her back.

"Dear Arceus!" Aurelie cried out in a panic, realizing how stupid she was to charge forward like that. Forgetting to use his formal title, she gulped, "Howard! Help me out here! Please!"

---

howard slayte

Finding a cult that followed the Loyal Three hadn't been on Howard's bingo card for the day, but frankly his life was already so terrible that finding an insane murder cult wasn't even that far from the course. It was still less unhinged than the bear hunt from last year.

"Oh, for FUCK'S-" Before Howard could finish swearing at the Megalopolan, Aurelie—brave, stupid Aurelie—had decided to grapple the cultist. In another world, the admin would've had a delightful conversation with the man about what all of his symbols meant. The scripture was Megalopolan, and yet the admin didn't know how to read it. "Aurelie!"

As the smith was grappled, the admin's Pokeball burst open. Rather than risk using Regirock or Regice and causing a cave-in, the admin's Illumina Skarmory flew forward. Steelheart's connection to Zacian meant that he would be the blade that cut through the darkness.

His blade was his beak. Howard's blade...

A frying pan emerged from the admin's bag, hardly used since he had domed Eris Halla in the back of the head with it. As he hit a few of the cultists on the back of the head with the cooking utensil, Howard's bird continued to peck, before using Spotlight on Howard himself to distract them from the redhead.

Slowly, the Megalopolans turned towards their new target.

"Dammit. Dammit. Dammit."

---

Aurelie Lefevre

[attr="class","aurelie-lyrics"]The woods are lovely, dark and deep

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Aurelie's face lit up with gratitude when Howard responded to her ridiculous plight and frightened plea for help by not only releasing a Pokemon to fight but also wading in himself to wallop some cultists' heads. His glowing Skarmory seemed to bring the warmth of sunlight into that forsaken cellar, and its brilliant SPOTLIGHT dazzled the nearest cultists' eyes, making them stumble backward in confusion.

In the chaos of cultists backing into each other or getting bashed on the head, Aurelie managed to free her left arm with a convulsive effort. She'd dropped the knife she was holding earlier when the cultists grabbed at her, but of course, she never traveled with just one knife. Cat-quick, she pulled a smaller folding knife from her left pocket and started slicing wildly at the cultists still holding her.

Caught between a madman with a frying pan and a redhead with a blade, the cultists froze indecisively. The needle-faced leader shrieked furiously at them. "No, you fools! Defend the potion! Fight them off, you cowards!"

Obeying him, half the cultists swerved back to swarm at Howard and his Skarmory, while the other half peeled off to surround Aurelie, staying just out of range of her slashes. She slowly retreated toward the cauldron, eyeing the bubbling liquid inside.

"The potion, huh?" she echoed speculatively. "This stuff seems awfully important to you! Be a shame if someone happened to...urghhh..."

She tried to push over the cauldron as she spoke, but the damned thing was heavy. More than she could tip over with only one arm, since she was still waving her knife around with the other. The cult leader ran at her while she was distracted and threw a punch, and Aurelie ducked low with a grunt.

"...to ruin it!" she concluded triumphantly, throwing a fistful of cellar dirt and mud into the mixture that she'd scooped up while dodging. Just as she'd hoped, the contents of the cauldron began frothing madly and changing color, its now green-and-white bubbles boiling up over the sides.

"Noooooo! The resurrection potion! You've spoiled everything! We were going to bring all three of them back!" the cult leader wailed, falling to his knees. The liquid pooled around him, soaking mostly unheeded into the walls and dirt floor.

Not entirely unheeded, though. Out of a crack in the floor crawled a single Spinarak, chittering madly and clacking its fangs. Then another. Then another. And countless more. As they skittered through the liquid, they grew—as large as housecats, maybe even as large as foxes or coyotes.

The cultists and Aurelie alike screamed as the now-huge Spinaraks surged around their feet. She looked frantically toward the admin. "Howard! Thank you so much for saving me! But maybe now we should let them fight each other and get out of here! Can you get free?"

---

howard slayte

Only a chef knew how to ruin a stew, though Howard suspected that if he compared whatever the Megalopolans were brewing to one of Aurelie's trademark Kalosian dishes, he'd never get a taste of the smith's cooking again. It wasn't like he could comment on it, given that he was buried under a half-dozen blew people, all gnawing and biting and punching with blue fists.

Unfortunately for them, the admin tasted terrible. Dynergy-marred flesh was an acquired taste, and poverty wasn't particularly good for the taste buds.

"You're... welcome!" At least Aurelie was calling him Howard again, though it had only cost turning himself into a punching bad. "Gimme a sec! I just gotta..."

Since Doug was out and about and likely feasting on Finneon and whatnot, the archaeologist was able to tap into his Arc Suit and force a connection between himself and the bear. Oddly enough, Doug was closer than Howard expected. Through his other eye, he saw flashes of a house in the distance.

Doug was approaching.

Tapping into the bear's power, a blast of red energy erupted from Howard as a Blood Moon was fired from his hand towards the ground. As Megalopolans drowned in a sea of spiders, the admin let out a shriek and started scrambling towards the exit.

"GO GO GO GO GO!" Howard yelped, ushering the smith up the stairs. As Megalopolans attempted to free through the same path, the admin slammed the door in their faces. His eye scanned the cottage, desperate. His eye fell upon an empty shelf. "Help me push the shelf over!"

Smiths were stronger than archaeologists, after all.

---

Aurelie Lefevre

[attr="class","aurelie-lyrics"]The woods are lovely, dark and deep

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"Holy horns of Arceus!" Aurelie exclaimed breathlessly as she raced up the stairs beside him. "Howard, what was that huge red energy beam you just fired? That was incredible! How long have you been able to do that?"

Somewhere, after going down the stairs into the cellar and discovering the secret Megalopolan cult, she had started thinking of him as Howard again. Even if he still seemed different, and dangerous—more like a stranger and less like the friendly scholar greedily gobbling bouillabaisse stew.

Still, he at least seemed to talk and act like himself, enough for her to recognize the part of him that felt like "Howard" to her and less like "Admin Slayte". Maybe it was all just wishful thinking on her part. Or maybe she was just that impressed by him coming to her rescue, especially with a frying pan.

"Well, whatever that was, it worked! And now to keep them down there as long as possible..." Aurelie eagerly put her shoulder into helping Howard slide the empty shelf in front of the door.

"What else can we do, hmmmm," she mused, leaning her weight against the shelf and looking around for more options.

Unfortunately, the shelf seemed to be all there was in terms of furniture inside the cottage. Against the far wall were some loose planks or boards, though, that might have been part of another shelf or table once. Aurelie bent to drag the top plank over and began hurriedly slicing at one end at an angle with her knife, slowly fashioning an inclined slope.

When the very end was finally thin and fine enough to insert under the bottom of the door, she wedged the now sawed-up plank into place. "Et voila! The world's least impressive door stopper," she chuckled wearily, brushing sweaty strands of hair out of her eye. "But it should still help, anyway."

She shook her head slowly and tiredly. "Who would've thought there were still any Megalopolans left in Hoenn? I thought the last one of them was aboard that prison…ship...thing. We'll have to make sure this cottage gets checked out again, in case those Spinaraks don't finish them off.

"But for now..." The redhead nodded toward the door, still hanging ajar to reveal the sky lightening to the pale grey of predawn. "Let's find Doug and get back on the road. After something as crazy as that...well, I don't know about you, but I could use some pancakes. And lots and lots of coffee."

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howard slayte